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Friday, January 20, 2006

I wonder why, last year, I attend to every IHG... and I felt lukewarm about the 'Battle of the Halls'... I don't intend to cheer, I don't intend to support. I remember standing alongside with Kent Ridge Hall in Handball, and we lost with a goal margin only. But I was not unhappy about it.

This year, I did not attend any of the hall IHG, so I just pop by to see the netball. This time it is between Kent Ridge and Raffles again. Somehow... some adrenaline rush inside my mind told me... What the hell is Raffles doing?

I cheered, and worst part is... I never did that when I was in last year... and this is only my first game. I wonder why. Then, I realise something.

My love for the hall... after so many months of losing out... has returned. But... I am not sure whether it is on the right time or not.

First: One of my close friend (I haven't talked to her personally for a long time, so I guess, it coudl be the right time to chit-chat) told me how disappointed she is with the hall in general. Not just facilities, but the spirit, the passion. She told me everything is in gone case situation.

Somehow, I wonder why... I felt something is wrong. I told her that she should not judge just by those things that she saw not good... Orientation was down the drain I know (I am the main culprit... I am sorry), IHG improved, but still way far behind to be the leaders, alot of activities are so 'point-based' that no one ever bothered to come down with a good spirit to enjoy an activity, and worst still..., JCRC (The hall admin students body) ... there is some loopholes.

Some how, I agree to what she said... However, while I did not tell her about what I feel, some thing is firing inside me, that makes me feel abit ... agitated...

What about the years of Cultural Performances? What about JamX achievements? How about the dance? CONCERT achievements? Is hall just all about what feels good? Being IHG champions? Being 'heck-care' about points-based activities? This is not fair right? We do still have some good performances... and are we going to ignore them?

I felt bad for myself not telling her exactly, but I feel that, if we were to judge hall through what is happening now, it is not fair for hall. Don't give up for hall.

... Funny... I suddenly felt all these fury, when actually, a week ago, I was planning on moving out of hall, giving up for hall. Funny why do these things happen? Why did my friend remind me how I got to stay for the 2nd year? Why did my Contact Group Leader of Varsity Christian Fellowship told me to love and contribute to hall, with all that I can? Why did I even bother to type all these things, when a week ago, I was supposed to give up on blogging, and hall? Why... Why?

There are alot of things about me that I was supposed to give myself up. I watched pornographic materials every week... I was sadistic, I watched some sick violent show before, I was an exile to the nation of God... If ever there was a time when you had the chance of imagining killing your own parents, relate that to me... I had the graphical thought before... Horrid? I thought of that way back when I was in Sec 2...

However... God never gives up on me. This is what He told me, when I watch the Netball match. I never realise how God actually tells me that, in the midst of a Netball game. It was horribly funny, but it is true. God actually told me not to give up on myself. I never thought of it... Never once... because all along... I already give up on myself...

But God did not. And he told me so. And he told me a parable. A kid who actually stays in Raffles Hall. He gave up on the hall. Until he did something that makes the people, even outside people, proud of Raffles Hall...

My confessions... after being staying up in the dark, watching nonsensical jokes, and dirty and violent shows... I learned something... If you already give up yourself... who will help you? Hall?

It is not about what the country can do for you, but what you can do for the country

Winston Churchill - Britain's Prime Minister. (I respect him alot)

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