A good entry. Why?

I suddenly feel happy after yesterday's test. That's all.

Why?

I think God is good to me.

These few days, after a few days of feeling sad, I suddenly feel very lightened. I do not care about the result initially. What I do know is that I did my best, and I will see to it, if I can do something about my test. Sorta like: God knows you are busy, and I know you are busy, so what you do is just give your best shot, that you personally feel is the best standard and best performance you can think up for yourself.

And, when the final mid-term paper comes out, I realise. Whoah... Was I dreaming? I actually can do all these questions?

I did not attend any of my Electromagnet Lecture. I depended alot on my A' level knowledge. I know it might not be correct, but I at least got the fundaments. For Electronics, I studied the most I could think of, and although my friend says it is so easy you never expect it to be targetted to University students, I never thought that the level was easy until I only study one day, and I can answer one out of two questions.

Funny me. Is God wonderful?

But I thought for long last night. I screwed up alot during the past week. Instead of studying I go watch BECK anime. Instead of watching webcast, I go chatting with friends.

Funny. Why?

This morning when I woke up, I realise my room is messy. Took a good hour to clean everything up. Then out of sudden I realise how disorganised I am. I check my timetable, I check my schedule in two weeks' time. Nothing is right. Things that I planned one month ago is yet to be done.

A sudden gush of thought came to me. I have been skipping so many lectures, and I should catch up. But then, I got project deadlines coming up. Many. Plentiful. I am breathless.

Could it be that God gave me early privilege so that I could focus on these projects? It could be.

Well, today I got the chance to blog, 'cause Joanna read it, and I thought it would be better if I say something recent. Haha, sorry dude. I am updating girl.

Anyway, I need to catch up all the lectures. This coming Thursday, my Japanese Studies don't have webcast. I need to update myself, so that I could come for the 'guest speaker' lecture.

Life has been good. The performances refreshed my mind about my role as a bassist. James Yeo (my favorite bassist in Raffles Hall) told me this once. Bassist is the background technician to provide groove. My ultimate is to make the audience 'grooved' to the music, and not to show off how good you are. My music mentor, Tan Eng Kiat always scolded me for trying to show skills, whereby I can't even get the basics correct.

After Phoenix Fest performance, I realise. Yeah, both of them are right.

Boon Yong played simple ones. In fact I can play those notes. But I will never be able to play the way he played them. Groove is there. Feeling is there. Mine? I am doing as a soloist, not a bassist.

So... after much thought, I decided. The main reason why I want to leave Raffles Hall, is not just to change into a new environment and see how Singaporeans live their life, but there are things which I want to learn and I want to make sure I have the heart and the determination to learn. Staying in Raffles Hall caused me much problems in finance, which deterred my progress in practising bass.

So I decided. Once I move out, I must find a bass tutor. I need formal training. Had such thoughts that I am a talented player, and I can learn and pick up fast in my bass. Now - no longer. I need to learn properly, and be disciplined.

If I want to play serious in bass, I should not ignore it.

Another thing. To stay outside, I can study in my own pace because I am not troubled by the demands from Hall activities. I spend too much time on certain activities that needs participation.

Last thing. I remember in God's Word. 2 Timothy 2:22

Run from anything that gives you the evil thoughts... but stay close to anything that makes you want to do right.

Refrain myself from Internet. Currently, the effect is overwhelming. I can't control my urge to chat until midnights. I can't control the urge to watch adult humor videos. Hence, it is time to do something about it.

Well, hope I am making the right decision.

Today I am happy, maybe I will go jogging again. Just like yesterday. Come to think of it. Jogging makes me happy. I don't know why.

d i r t - r e n
5:56 PM

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