Surprisingly I do not mean the days when I am back home. This time it is when I am in Singapore.

Funny how when you study in Singapore, despite the fact that competition is stiff and that you barely couldn't wait to leave the world of rat races, you still feel attached to it.

Well, most of my friends thought that I was crazy, because after much discussions, I realise that it was only me who thought it that way.

Pretty funny. I think perhaps because of the recent setbacks.

One.

I failed to get any job in my hometown. Pathetic. Well, maybe yeah, but can't be helped. I wanted to try doing cashier work, but my mom strongly objected it. She recommended me to go for the handphone shop thingy, so when I got there, I was actually delighted that they actually prefer a full-time applicant. Besides, my dad asked me to be a temporary teacher again, a job that I seriously hate. I did that before, and frankly speaking, even with all kind of attachment with the teachers and students, I still felt not happy as a teacher.

Hence, I got rejected with all my job applications in my hometown, and I decided to return to Singapore.

Two.

My dad somehow has issue with me and my mom. I have been going around the town with him. Muar (a place which is 3 hours' drive from my home) and Johor Bahru (JB), you name it. And be frank. I have not been at home frequently. Most of the time I had to go out. Not to say it is bad, but I am sick of going around town doing chores. I am sorry for being mean, but the worst part is that I kept striving hard to please Dad. Many times when me and my dad were alone together doing stuff, he will surely complain that I did not do well. Well, it is a long way to say about this, but I wonder what goes into his mind actually. He is not really satisfied with my ... not obedient enough to his command? Well, there are issues and I do not want to say anything, and I hope I am not wrong.

Mom and Dad had those little critical arguments once in a while. Rarely I saw them happy together. Then I realised that there were once that Mom was telling me not to be afraid to find a partner... I guess she meant how my dad knew my mom. Perhaps she agreed also that matchmaking won't work. Hmm. Nice try, but sadly, I don't think I am committed to any relationship, at least in the near future. Even if I tried, I know I will hurt that girl only.

Three.

I became worst when I got back home. Thanks to the chores and regular home absence, I could not do much of word study. I think I became worst off than how I was at the end of the study week. My thoughts were polluted. It was bad. Pretty bad. I find it hard to actually commit myself to God 100%. Couldn't help it.

Four.

I had to play in band. I really feel very bored not playing in band. I hate to admit it, but I felt that band has become part of my life, even though I struggled to take away from it. Recently I finished composing one song for our band, you can try and listen it, it's at my homepage: http://cool.ac/ren - the file name is SHAME NAME. You can give me feedbacks on that song through the shoutbox below.

Anyway, the point is that I felt the urge to play in band so much. It itched alot, but I realised that I may let my feeling comes in more than what I am supposed to do.

Five.

Notice my English? It got worst right? Yeah, it did. I have not been studying English stuff for some times, so pardon my English.

As for other minor issues, let's not talk about it. Oh yeah, I am trying for 2 interviews in Singapore soon, starting next week after my camp. Let God You be the judge. I couldn't anticipate much anymore, since You know I got rejected so many times. You decide my fate then.

I will post up my diary of what happen soon. But not now. Sorry. Using dialup. Don't expect good service.

d i r t - r e n
7:18 AM

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